How to Survive the Halloween Season

Don't run up stairs unless you are sure that your villain is afraid of stairs. Even then, it's best not to take the chance. Adrenaline makes people do crazy things. People have lifted entire cars before. I'm sure a stair-fearing psychopath could muster up the fortitude to chase a young, blonde, non-virgin up a few stairs if the situation called for it.

And by the way, don't scream like a maniac. It's okay to be scared. We'd all be scared. Just suck it up, gather your thoughts and play it cool. You don't need to act like Jack Bauer, but at least have a little self respect.

Pop Culture Revelations: My Internet Sabbatical

If you've noticed that Post Pop Culture has been at a standstill lately, the reason is because I took an unplanned sabbatical from the internet and cable television. The details aren't necessarily interesting, but suffice to say, it was a good time to decompress and soak in a temporary internet-free lifestyle.

I was never completely free of internet usage, of course. I found time and places to check my email, look at my finances and occasionally peak in at ESPN.com and The AV Club. Other than a handful of those opportunities, I lived my life like my ancestors in the early 1990s did.

What I Learned From Troll 2

Chances are you've either already seen Troll 2 or it's just something that's not down you're alley. This pop cultural pariah tells the story of a family who takes a vacation in a small farming town called Nilbog (“It's goblin spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!”) and soon find themselves being hunted down by a village of goblins who intend to harvest their bodies for food.

If that sounds terrible, keep this in mind: I'm trying to make it sound way cooler than it actually is.

To really “get” Troll 2, you have to know its history. To help express his wife's frustration with her vegetarian friends, Italian filmmaker Claudio Fragasso created a movie around her script about a town of vegetarian goblins who won't eat meat, but instead turn humans into plants to feed off of them. The film's original title was Goblin, but was later renamed Troll 2 by its United States distributor in an attempt to capitalize on the small success of the completely unrelated film Troll. So this is the kind of treat you're getting yourself into.

To make matters even more asinine, Fragasso gave all leading roles to people who showed up to work as extras. Worse, he only spoke broken English and made every actor read their lines verbatim, even when they tried to correct the script's grammar and syntax. Even worse, the movie is just stupid as hell. But I have a feeling you already got that.

This clusterfuck of ego and disregard results in one of the most bizarre and extremely watchable bad movies ever filmed. I'm not even going to pretend like I think this movie is educational. It's not. It's just stupid. However, if it were educational, this is definitely what I would have learned from it.

The Grape Calls - Episode 49 - Super Mario Is Not A Good Friend

In this week's The Grape Calls, we talk about possible reasons Mario is a dick, some sexually aggressive cartoon characters and there's some stuff about wine in there.



As always, check out the link on The Grape Calls website.

By the way, Post Pop Culture has been a little quiet lately, but after our impromptu summer break, we'll be back soon to our regular schedule of nearly relevant pop culture coverage. And by that, I mean I'm going to talk about Troll 2 because, come on, it's Troll 2.

Audio Monday - The Grape Call and Christopher Dennis

In this week's episode of The Grape Calls, we discuss meat faces, we watch the best worst game of Super Mario Brothers ever played and I explain why I'm okay with hating Michael Bay.



Also, this week I had the privilege of interviewing Christopher Dennis of Confessions of a Superhero and the soon-to-be-released The Long, Slow Death of a Twenty-Something.

Double Double Toil and Spidey

Well, friends, as I'm sure you all know, in yesterday's Wednesday Haiku, I referenced a Pokemon video I used the week prior in a Pokemon post. Is this an accident? An oversight in double vision?

I assure you, it is not. We here at Post Pop Culture would never condone such blatant carelessness. But today's post has us thinking about doubles and repetition. Our twins today are the Tobey Maguire Spider-man trilogy and the new reboot of the series (less than ten years later ...)

The Very Reputable Post Pop Culture Court of Absolute Prestige: Putting George Lucas on Trial

In this installation of The Very Reputable Post Pop Culture Court of Absolute Prestige, George Lucas stands trial. His crimes against humanity? Updating his classic Star Wars trilogy to the point of downgrading some of its most iconic scenes and nearly ruining the viewing experience. Mr. Lucas is charged with six counts of arrogance, pretentious douchebaggery and disrespect for both fans and his own work.

Crime: Greedo shoots first.

In A New Hope, Greedo confronts Han Solo to collect a bounty. Han plays it cool, but instead of shooting first (as in the original), Greedo now shoots first. In the 2004 DVD release, Han and Greedo both shoot at about the same time, but Greedo still shoots first by half a second.

Verdict: Oh, piss of, George.

There's a reason a website titled HanShootsFirst.org exists. At this point in the trilogy, Han isn't a bad guy, but he's not exactly a good guy either. There are a few pivotal scenes that define Solo perfectly and this was one of them. To change it in an effort to make Han Solo feel more like a swell guy serves no purpose in furthering his character.