Hamburgers and Superman

After work today, I went with some of the guys to a nearby bar. I should tell you that I work a noon to 11 pm shift and I was stuck in work for an extra half hour, so when I got to the bar it was about midnight. That's the context you should probably have. When our server came to our table, she took our drink orders. I asked for a Coke and my friends got beers. Usually in a bar when I order a Coke, I get a rinky dinky dixie cup or something with Coke in it, but at this place I got one of the regularly giant red, plastic Coke cups that restaurants serve. The kind that make you have to pee almost immediately after finishing it. You can paint me any color of happy at that point you want to.

After bringing our drinks, the server immediately starts asking us if we want burgers. I'm thinking to myself, "Lady, I don't know how you knew I love burgers, but that's exactly what I was wanting." My compadres have obviously been to this establishment before as they do not bat an eye and order two burgers each. My, my, what big stomachs you have, I think to myself, eyeing my regularly sized nonalcoholic beverage glass. How in the Holstein are you going to eat two burgers? I ordered one burger. Mozzarella cheese and pickles with mustard.

When the burgers come, I see why my fellows ordered two. We did not have regularly sized burgers. They were smallish things that looked like they may have been steamed or ordered express from a high school cafeteria. Still, I ate mine. I do love a burger. (And, I had heard rumors of a place nearby work with very cheap burgers - as well as a place with very expensive burgers.) Surely, there was no way this burger in front of me could be the 6.99 entree I saw on the menu. When the bill came - oh glorious wonder of the night - I saw the burgers were less than 2 dollars. How amazing! Should I be coming here every week? Most likely definitely so.

Almost four hours later, I'm not so sure. That burger is killing me from the inside. I sit on the couch in the dark because I don't want to disturb my wife. She has to be at work early in the morn'. And in the dark, I look deep inside of myself where that devilish burger resides. I am wracked, simply wracked, by inner turmoil. Of course, my thoughts immediately turn to Superman.

He smiles because he knows his Stomach of Steel
would protect him from a cheap bar burger.

You see, Superman is a hero who is wracked with inner turmoil. And I don't mean from the food he eats. I mean of the moral-variety. Ok. Let's go down this path. Superman is, as many detractors of how awesome he is would love to point out, almost insanely powerful. He has so many superpowers and is incredibly hard to defeat that people many times wonder, how can Superman lose? Let's take this hypothetical. Lex Luthor is threatening the safety of Metropolis. Nay, the world. What is to keep Superman from just using his heat vision and boring a hole through Lex Luthor's forehead, thusly melting the arch-villain's brain and saving the world.

Problem solved.

 
Supes, they say, is too much of a goody-goody.

THERE! BY THE LAST SON OF KRYPTON! YOU SAID IT! That is the inner turmoil. Superman plays by the rules. How would you like having all that power and a moral compass that keeps you from going full-tilt, bat-shit crazy on the bad guys? Check out Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths for what happens when Superman isn't one of the good guys or even Batman/Superman: Public Enemies for how Superman can't stop being the good guy, even when he is on the wrong side of the law.


And let me also say, by way of comparison to Batman, let's take a look at alter egos. Bruce Wayne became horribly traumatized when his parents were shot in front of him. Understandable. He channeled his (unlimited?) money and (also unlimited?) trauma/guilt into becoming a kinda crazy bat hunting other crazies on the streets of Gotham. Fortunately, Batman uses his crazy for good. To hide who he is and what he does, he lives as extravagant playboy Bruce Wayne, when he's not the Caped Crusader.

He's a complicated kind of crazy, but he's definitely Batman.

We contrast to Superman. Who is Superman? Is he the man who flies around in a cape and tights? Is he Kal-El, last son of Kryton? No. He is Clark Kent, adopted son of Ma and Pa Kent, and investigative reporter for the Daily Planet.

You'd think the Daily Planet would want to print stories in their newspaper.
What do you think he's looking at in there?
He's probably sleeping on the job.

Almost every Superman genesis story begins with Clark realizing he wants to use his powers to help people, but if he just does it as a guy from Kansas, he'll be a science experiment, a freak. But, if he dresses it up, adds some razzle dazzle, then we have a super hero and everything is okay. He lowers his voice an octave, wears fake glasses as Clark and acts kinda klutzy. If you notice in the early comics, he's Clark Kent almost all the time and only Superman when Clark wouldn't be able to get the job done.

So, Superman is pretty awesome. I think we can all see that now. There is no question about it. The only question that remains, I think, is will I go back for the cheap bar burgers next week?